Fetish Etiquette

By clicking Submit, you are agreeing to the terms of use.

Fetish Etiquette

A few words on how to behave in the Fetish scene.

Be Respectful and polite at All Times

Proper etiquette for a fetish party is based on mutual respect.

If you are interested in an ongoing scene feel free to watch, that is the point of public play scenes. Take care that you don't crowd or interrupt anything going on. If you would like to play, wait until the current scene has finished and then approach the actors. Introduce yourself and discuss your ideas.

Never interrupt people or couples who are engaging in a scene. Unless it is an interactive stage show many players might take offense to an interruption of any kind, whether it is to answer questions, comments on the scene, or vulgar statements regarding the type of play taking place. Wait until their “scene” is over before you approach or make any comments.

A public scene is performed for you to watch, not as an invitation to join in or volunteer. Also, it is always polite and wise to ask the Dominant for permission to speak with the submissive in order to clarify “ownership” or lack thereof.

Respect the space the event is held in, and definitely respect all the guests.

Respect Ownership:

You should never approach a collared submissive with a request to play under any circumstances. More often than not, wearing their collar means that the submissive is in attendance with their Owner. If a collared submissive approaches you with a request to play, it is wise to ask if they are owned and if so if their Dominant has given them permission to, or commanded them to play.

The submissive may just be wearing a collar in advance preparation for a scene they are hoping to act out with a Dominant they meet on premises, or even just as a fashion statement. In any event, it is always wise to be sure.

Ask Before You Borrow:

Never use another persons property without having prior permission.

Although a fetish event is a public gathering for like-minded individuals, that doesn't mean that everyone likes to share their private belongings. This rule applies to fetish toys & equipment (floggers, ropes, cuffs, paddles, blindfolds, etc.) as well as people (submissives, slaves, etc.). A powerful Dominant may be giving an OTK (over the knee) spanking to a lovely submissive at the fetish event you are attending. That does not give anyone the right to also spank this person once their scene is over. You must always ask the Dominant for their permission. It is also a good idea to develop a friendship with the Dominant and Submissive before attempting to stage a scene. By developing trust and having an understanding of each others ideas will make the scene much better. Trust is something that is established over time. Be courteous as well. No ALWAYS means NO, and if someone tells you no, retire gracefully, there is no reason to respond rudely, we may be the ones saying no to someone in the future and would not want them to cause a scene with us.

Stay Aware of Your Surroundings:

Be mindful of the scenes being acted around you. When a dominant is flogging someone, they are focused on what they are doing, having someone walking into the space required for their back swing can be really distracting. "Stay Aware" of the action around you, or you could catch a paddle across your face!

Dress codes at a Fetish Event:

When attending a Fetish Event or S&M Play Party, it is both good manners and more fun if you dress in play-appropriate attire. Jeans and sneakers and street clothes are usually unacceptable.

If you are new to the scene and don't have any fetish clothing (leather, rubber, latex, lace, PVC, vinyl, stilettos, thigh-highs, lingerie, corsets, theme attire: nurse/nun/school teacher), you should, at the very least, dress nicely and sexy in all black. But the more people who wear Fetish and S&M themed clothing at an event, the better the energy in the room!


Many Fetish events do not allow the use of cameras at all. Some allow cameras with restrictions.

The most important rule of photography at a fetish event is to always ask before you take a picture and to make sure that you only include people from whom you have obtained permission.

Please observe any "Photography Allowed" or "No Photography Allowed" signs or zones during the scenes that take place.

Most Fetishists are happy to have their photo taken as long as they are given time to conceal their faces with a mask or preserve their anonymity by turning their face from the camera.